Once upon a time, in an unknown location at a vague period in time, there was a grand dance. This dance was like formal on steriods, and all the young ladies and gentlemen came to attend. They were eager to see who fate might put in their paths for the night.
One young lady, forced to go against her will by her friends, decided that while she must go, no one was dictating how. Alexa was one of the fairest maidens in all the land, and her friends often made this home-body attend social event for the men she attracted. Alexa hated the male gaze, the wandering male hands, the smug entitleness that all men seemed to have. She tried her best to avoid their attention, and yet for some reason, all men seem to have an internal program that makes them think that pretty women who say no are just trying to play hard to get.
Alexa would not be a victim of their harrassment this time. Rather than a fancy gown and jewelry, she donned a handsome suit, stuffed her long tresses into a short wig, swiped on some Old Spice and was good to go. Her friends were in for a shock when they came to her door and saw this snazzy person beaming at them.
"Don't worry," Alexa assured them, "the only thing better than a wing-woman is a wing-man."
With a shrug, the entourage made their way to the dance and had a grand time. As Alexa settled in and got her bearings, she felt unprecedented freedom and more relaxed than she ever had before. How nice, she thought to herself, to be able to enjoy an evening NOT worrying about what sleazy predators are lurking about. She was determined to spend the night very chill, looking after her friends who were running from this group to that.
"Why is a handsome young man like you all alone tonight?" a voice from behind Alexa said with a tease. She whipped around and saw a rather pretty young woman with a glimmer in her eyes.
Clearing her voice and doing her best man impersonation (think Starlord trying to sound like Thor), Alexa responded "I am accompanying my friends until they are ready to go home, since I am the designated driver tonight."
"What a pity," the girl responded, "if you could stay out later you could have come over to see my Pokemon collection." This line usually works on most guys, and the girl was puzzled when Alexa quickly took her leave and dashed away.
What started out as what Alexa thought would be a relaxed evening quickly became a jungle gym of dodging the advanced of many of the young woman. Turns out, a beautiful girl makes quite the pretty boy. While the advances were (mostly) sweet and innocent, they were just as persistent as the men.
Finally, Alexa found a small closet where she could take refuge. Tugging off the suffocating wig, she fanned herself and counted down the minutes until it was time to leave. When she heard her friends calling for her, she burst through the closet, giving them quite the fright.
"Let's get out of here," Alexa mumured, quickly ushering them to the door. "I've had enough of these cross-eyed, love-struck youth."
Turns out, women were not much better than the men. While Alexa knew nothing dangerous would happen if she went home with one of them (unlike with their male counterparts), their persistence was exhausting. She had had enough of the doe-eyed look, lashes fluttering and fake giggles squeezing out of them after every sentence. How did men put up with it, she would never know.
From then on, Alexa stayed home against all persuasive efforts. Rather than exhaust her energy at an event with people she didn't care about, she took these evenings for self-care. With a glass of wine in her hand, a cat on her lap, and a face mask restoring the moisture in her skin, she spent her nights watching Game of Thrones, happy to be independent and free.
Stories from the Faerie Queen. Edmund Spenser (1590), adapted by Mary Macleod (1916). Web Source.
Author's note: This story was inspired by one of my favorite chapters from this week's reading! In the original, Britomart is dressed as a knight in order to find the man she loves. One evening when she is staying in a lady's house, the lady won't stop trying to seduce her and got very shocked after finding out that Britomart was in fact a girl. The whole chapter was so amusing, so I wanted to kind of keep the main story. But I changed it up to make it modern. Also I really hate romance stories more than ANYTHING (whether it focus on a man or a woman, its all terrible). Hopefully this could be an ironic story that other people can relate to.
One young lady, forced to go against her will by her friends, decided that while she must go, no one was dictating how. Alexa was one of the fairest maidens in all the land, and her friends often made this home-body attend social event for the men she attracted. Alexa hated the male gaze, the wandering male hands, the smug entitleness that all men seemed to have. She tried her best to avoid their attention, and yet for some reason, all men seem to have an internal program that makes them think that pretty women who say no are just trying to play hard to get.
Alexa would not be a victim of their harrassment this time. Rather than a fancy gown and jewelry, she donned a handsome suit, stuffed her long tresses into a short wig, swiped on some Old Spice and was good to go. Her friends were in for a shock when they came to her door and saw this snazzy person beaming at them.
"Don't worry," Alexa assured them, "the only thing better than a wing-woman is a wing-man."
Photo by Nitsa Knoll
With a shrug, the entourage made their way to the dance and had a grand time. As Alexa settled in and got her bearings, she felt unprecedented freedom and more relaxed than she ever had before. How nice, she thought to herself, to be able to enjoy an evening NOT worrying about what sleazy predators are lurking about. She was determined to spend the night very chill, looking after her friends who were running from this group to that.
"Why is a handsome young man like you all alone tonight?" a voice from behind Alexa said with a tease. She whipped around and saw a rather pretty young woman with a glimmer in her eyes.
Clearing her voice and doing her best man impersonation (think Starlord trying to sound like Thor), Alexa responded "I am accompanying my friends until they are ready to go home, since I am the designated driver tonight."
"What a pity," the girl responded, "if you could stay out later you could have come over to see my Pokemon collection." This line usually works on most guys, and the girl was puzzled when Alexa quickly took her leave and dashed away.
What started out as what Alexa thought would be a relaxed evening quickly became a jungle gym of dodging the advanced of many of the young woman. Turns out, a beautiful girl makes quite the pretty boy. While the advances were (mostly) sweet and innocent, they were just as persistent as the men.
Finally, Alexa found a small closet where she could take refuge. Tugging off the suffocating wig, she fanned herself and counted down the minutes until it was time to leave. When she heard her friends calling for her, she burst through the closet, giving them quite the fright.
"Let's get out of here," Alexa mumured, quickly ushering them to the door. "I've had enough of these cross-eyed, love-struck youth."
Turns out, women were not much better than the men. While Alexa knew nothing dangerous would happen if she went home with one of them (unlike with their male counterparts), their persistence was exhausting. She had had enough of the doe-eyed look, lashes fluttering and fake giggles squeezing out of them after every sentence. How did men put up with it, she would never know.
From then on, Alexa stayed home against all persuasive efforts. Rather than exhaust her energy at an event with people she didn't care about, she took these evenings for self-care. With a glass of wine in her hand, a cat on her lap, and a face mask restoring the moisture in her skin, she spent her nights watching Game of Thrones, happy to be independent and free.
Stories from the Faerie Queen. Edmund Spenser (1590), adapted by Mary Macleod (1916). Web Source.
Author's note: This story was inspired by one of my favorite chapters from this week's reading! In the original, Britomart is dressed as a knight in order to find the man she loves. One evening when she is staying in a lady's house, the lady won't stop trying to seduce her and got very shocked after finding out that Britomart was in fact a girl. The whole chapter was so amusing, so I wanted to kind of keep the main story. But I changed it up to make it modern. Also I really hate romance stories more than ANYTHING (whether it focus on a man or a woman, its all terrible). Hopefully this could be an ironic story that other people can relate to.
Hey Moriah!
ReplyDeleteI loved all of the Britomart stories and found this one great, too!I had never heard of Britomart until this class and am very glad that I got to read these stories! I like how you made this story modern and made it your own while keeping true to the original. I find Britomart's efforts to avoid perverts hilarious and, sadly, relatable. But it seems she just cannot escape people's advances! Great job with this!
Hi Moriah,
ReplyDeleteWow great story! I really liked reading your story. An Ode to Hating Love Stories was such a great modern twist to the original Britomart. I thought that your story was very comedic. The poor girl just couldn’t escape no matter how hard she tried. From then on Alexa enjoys my kind of night, a night in. Great job!
Hey Moriah,
ReplyDeleteAlexa is so totally relatable. I also really enjoyed that avengers reference. This story is cute, funny and relatable. I wish I had had the courage to go to my prom in a suit. That would have been so satisfying, to really irk all the homophobic parents and teachers. Alas, I wanted to fit in (and have my pretty dress moment). If I could go back, I would totally rock the suit however. Anyway, I really liked your story.
Good luck with finals!
Ann
Hey Moriah,
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story and I was really interested and invested while reading it! I really like how descriptive your writing style is because it allows the reader to be able to imagine and experience your stories as much as possible, and that's special. The story was heartwarming and funny in a tragic way at times, and I really liked it! Good luck on your finals and have a good one!