Week 7 Story : The Laziest Man in the Universe

In the heavens far from our known galaxy, there lived a very lazy celestial being. He found it too tiresome to try to create anything new, unlike his neighbors who kept themselves busy forming new galaxies and expanding the boundaries of the universe. He preferred to remain among his wasteland, where other creators tossed their defective and broken pieces of sun, moon, and stars. One day as he was lounging around, he asked a passerby to toss some food in his mouth, as he hungered but could not bring himself to move a single limb in search of food. With a wry smirk, the passerby approached, but instead of food, he poured a handful of stardsust into the lazy man's mouth. Eyes closed and tasting this, the lazy man new he had been fooled and with a heave, he hefted himself up enough to grab a nearby star and hurl it at the passerby. The traveler just laughed as the star hurled into the depths of space, but the star travelled with purpose, gaining energy and becoming brilliant as it sped to its next home.

In the next galaxy over, the daughter of the highest god in that realm saw the star speeding towards them and marvelled at its beauty. "I must have it!", she exclaimed, and she personally plucked it out of the sky and kept it in a jar by her bed. It's energy and light streamed into her room, causing shadows to dance on the walls and an array of colors to light up her face. So entranced was she with this star, that soon after when her father decalred that she needed to marry, she made a proclamation, "Whoever shall bring me a star as bright and beautiful as this one shall have my hand", and her godly father, while slightly perplexed, agreed to her strange proposal, for secretly he was getting tired of his grown daughter lounging around the palace without any thoughts of expanding their galaxy. 

A feast was held, and suitors all across the universe with their creations in jars, but none could compare to hers. Frustrated, the king asked if there were no other men in the nearby realms. "None but the lazy man in the wasteland", they said. 

Rainbow Bridge (Bifrost) from Das Rheingold

Soon after, the lazy man was carried before the king and princess, for he had no motivation to move his legs nor straighten his back. At the sight of him, the star became animated and tried to escape the jar in order to return to its master, who gave the star purpose and beauty when another tried to toss it away. The king asked if he had been the one to send the star to the princess, and the man was too lazy to deny it. Witnessing this, the princess's eyes sparkled and she quickly marched them off to a wedding cermony, much to her father's distress. 

Ashamed that his daughter would have such low standards, the king put both of them into a ship and set it off towards the center of the universe, hoping to be rid of them forever. Not one word would the man speak to the princess, nor would he fetch her food or water. She started a fire, ashes freckling her face, and told her husband to fetch stones to heat. Because even a lazy husband knows he couldn't let his wife starve, the man did as he was told. When he returned, he saw his wife's porcelain-like hands dotted with blisters from the fire and his heart was moved. 

When they had run out for food, they pulled their ship over in a galaxy populated with blacksmiths and forges. Remembering how his wife injured her hands to feed him, the lazy man offered to work for a blacksmith in return for food, for he had come to love his wife. As the man toiled, the spirits that celebrate the good deeds of men saw this and decided to reward him, for this was the first moment in all his life he extended himself for someone else. Three stars approached, and when he touched the first, it gave him handsomeness. His back straightened, his features became prominent, his build became proportional and stately. When he touched the second, wisdom poured into his mind, and all at once he had boundless knowledge. He knew the third star would bring him riches and fortune, and this he brought back to his wife. She was understandably alarmed at her husband's new attractive appearance, and when she heard of what happened to him, she said entreated him to return to her father and beg his forgiveness. The husband complied, for he had grown lazy of work and wanted to remain motionless forever. 

The couple returned in an array of wealth an grandeur, and both the father and servants all exclaimed at the husband's new princely appearance and treasurse he brought to them. Because of these things, the father loved them and bestowed onto his son-in-law power above all other princes in his domain. 

While gazing upon the spinning moons and suns that now made up his galaxy, the lazy man thought to himself, "In former times, I was a lazy man because I would not do work. Now that I have this newfound welath, my subjects do me reverence, and yet behold, I am as lazy as ever! For when I open my mouth and a servant is there to give me food. How comical it is, that when a poor man does no work he is called a beggar, but when a prince or rich man does not work, his power still remains, and the people still serve him". 

Katherine Neville Fleeson, Laos Folk-Lore. Photographs by W.A. Briggs (1899). Web Source.

Author's Note: This story is based on one of the most entertaining chapters I read in the Laos unit. The original story involves a princess who eats a fig thrown from a beggar upriver; so magnificent is this fig, she decides to marry the man who threw it. I wanted to bring this premise into a new dimension completely and experiment with something that doesn't need to follow all the rules of a strict setting. I did not intend for this to be very rational, but rather whimsical and entertaining. The ending definitely left an impact on me (the final paragraph is most identical to the original). It struck me how much of what we idolize is based on appearance, and this was a fun opportunity to see that through the eyes of the pretender/undeserving.